IELTS WRITING TASK 02 – SAMPLE ESSAYS (BAND SCORE 9) – TOPIC 03

IELTS WRITING TASK 02 – SAMPLE ESSAYS (BAND SCORE 9)

Topic 03: It is often said that retirement is the happiest time of a person’s life. How far do you agree with this view?

 

Sample Essay

In many countries, the population is ageing consistently, and this presents the older people themselves with challenges as well as opportunities. It seems to me that retirement is not in fact the most contented period of life, and I will explain why in this essay.

 

Firstly, retired people have to contend with the major issue of health. No matter how optimistic a person is, and how conscientiously they try to keep fit, their health will inevitably deteriorate as they grow older. This affects their mobility, their ability to interact with people, and their physical comfort when compared to the earlier stages of their life. A second negative factor is the whole question of finance. By this we mean that even people who have saved or invested carefully during their working lives will find their income in retirement reduced considerably, for example by relying on savings. This results in their leisure options being more restricted than in their younger years, even though they have more time to fill. This leads us on to the final and perhaps most significant drawback to retirement, which is isolation. This happens when declining health and limited resources make people increasingly cut-off, even if they have surviving family members who seek to care for them. However much the family (or neighbors and social services) may offer support, this lack of contact will lead progressively to a less contented frame of mind.

 

It is true that there are some positives to retirement, most notably the time to pursue personal interests and the presence of grandchildren in many cases. Despite this, it seems that for many older people, these pleasures are outweighed by issues which can cause stress and depression.

 

To conclude, the problems of health, financial concerns and isolation combine together to make retirement a challenging and potentially difficult time for many, especially when compared to the prime period of life. This is not to say that all retired people suffer in this way, but it appears to be the case very frequently.

Analysis

Chúng ta cùng nhau xem xét bài viết có gì hay nhé.

Concession language

Mệnh đề nhượng bộ (concession clause) là một trong những cấu trúc câu học thuật, đề cập đến tất cả các biến thể của Although và được dùng nhiều trong hai loại Ielts Essay phổ biến Agree-Disagree cũng như Advantage-Disadvantage. Nếu bạn lựa chọn viết both sides of the argument thì sau khi hoàn thành one side chuyển qua the other side thì bắt buộc bạn phải sử dụng loại câu này. Bài viết đã tận dụng loại câu này để tương phản nghĩa thông qua ví dụ sau.

It is true that there are some positives to retirement, most notably the time to pursue personal interests and the presence of grandchildren in many cases. Despite this, it seems that for many older people, these pleasures are outweighed by issues which can cause stress and depression.

 

Một số mệnh đề mà các bạn có thể tận dụng với cùng một ý nghĩa như trên.

Admittedly . . . Nevertheless . . .

It might be said that . . . However . . .

I accept that . . . In spite of this . . .

While it may be correct that . . . It still appears to be the case, however, that . . .

 

Cohesive devices

Để đảm bảo tính chặt chẽ giữa các ideas và toàn bộ bài viết thì nhất thiết phải sử dụng đến sự đa dạng các loại từ nối (connectors). Đó có thể là đại từ bất định (indefinite pronouns), một synonym để né tránh repetition hay một cấu trúc phản nghĩa như Although.

decline as they grow older. This affects their mobility

the whole question of finance. By this we mean that

by relying on savings. This results in

more time to fill. This leads us on to

isolation. This happens when

grandchildren in many cases. Despite this

the prime period of life. This is not to say that

 

Vocabulary

Điều sau cùng không thể thế là một tập hợp các từ vựng chuyên ngành trịnh trọng nhằm đảm bảo tính học thuật và chuyên gia bài viết.

consistently = all the time (less formal)

major = big

progressively = increasingly, more and more

contented = happy

conscientiously = with a lot of care

deteriorate = get worse

negative = bad

considerably = a lot

significant = big

pursue = go after

prime = best

 

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