Writing task 2 essay (20.08) – Quỳnh Trang

Ielts writing task 2 topic (IDP): In some cities people are choosing cars instead of bicycles, while in other cities riding bikes are replacing cars. Why is this the case? The choice between cars and bicycles: which do you think is better? 

Writing task 2 essay:

People [tend to] show the difference in their preference of primary means of transport. While in some cities cars are superior to [more common than] bicycles, other cities have an [the] opposite trend. This phenomenon could be ascribed to a few reasons and there is no perfect conveyance for all cases.

Citizens in many metropolis [metropolises] choose car as their main means of transport because of its convenience and mobility [such narrow controlling ideas! Make it more general à prominent advantages/ benefits]. In comparison with a bicycle, a car is less time and energy consuming, allowing users to travel a long geographic distance irrespective of the severe weather conditions such as snow, heavy rain or scotching hot [heat]. Cars also are more suitable in the formal situations. A businessman with luxurious suite [suit] and glossy shoes would look quite weird if he travels to an important meeting by a bicycle. However, in some smaller cities where people [are] highly aware of the significance of saving their living environment, residents try to replace cars by bicycles as much as possible. The other reason [the reason for what? You have to make it clear] is perhaps governments have put more effort on ameliorate the road infrastructure to ensure the safety level for cyclists. For example, in some cities, there are separated lines exclusively dedicating to the cyclists in order to decrease in the number of incidents of accidents. Moreover, the available [availability] of bicycle docking stations in the city centre might encourage inhabitants to cycle for the short journeys. [The part “However… journeys” discusses a very different point of view from the topic sentence à should be a separate paragraph]

It is difficult to say which trend is better as both of [the] vehicles have the [their own] pros and cons as aforementioned concerns [a bit too lengthy]. It is widely accepted that bicycle is much more environmentally friendly than any carbon-producing vehicle like cars since cycling contributes to reduce dramatically the amount of green-house gas released to atmosphere [not needed]. However, we have to admit that in some hustle and bustle [not suitable à busy/ hectic] cities where a place is far away from others and citizens are required to have professional appearance, bicycles are more likely to fail to meet residents’ demands.

In conclusion, there are several main reasons explaining why there are differences in choosing primary conveyances among different cities over the world. Every vehicle has its own merits so it is hard to point out which development [option] is better.

Comment

  • A good range of vocabulary used suitably and effectively.
  • Grammar structures are good, with only a few mistakes
  • Some blunders with word choice and articles, which doesn’t hinder understanding.
  • Some problems with paragraphing. The first sentence is typically the topic sentence. All following ideas have to support the topic sentence.
  • Some places are a bit too lengthy.

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Võ Minh Sử – Chủ sáng lập Homeschooling English Center