Writing task 2 Essay (30.7 – IDP) Tiến Dũng

WRITING TASK 2 TOPIC (30.7 – IDP):
The gap between the rich and the poor is increasingly wide, as rich people become richer and poor people grow poorer. What problems could this situation cause? What are the solutions to address those problems?

Writing task 2 Essay:

Nowadays, development of almost [most] countries in the world usually stick with [tend to translate into] the significant rise of the disparity between affluence and destitution. The increase disparity [This alarming trend] can cause many instabilizations for the economic [economy] and the nation [, which requires prompt initiatives from the government.] [Thesis statement has to mention both ‘problem’ and ‘solutions’]
There are two main reasons can cause the problems [The widening bridge between the haves and the have-nots can be attributed to two main factors]. Firstly, [the] growth of an economic [economic growth] usually brings a lot of [numerous] benefits for [to] some individuals or a [social] class of the economic, especially for the rich people and the middle-class, not for all the inhabitants. The high-class and middle-class will earn more money and be wealthier while the low-class will pay more money for their lives’ necessary demands and become poorer. This means that a grown economic usually leads to rise almost price of goods of the country which issue many challenges to the low-class in buying foods, clothes, etc. [As a matter of fact, as an economy progresses, prices of products and the living costs accordingly grow, making even daily essentials like food or clothes a challenge for low-income earners.] By contrast, the high and middle class will have more chance to produce, invest or find jobs with higher salary, so that they are [which makes them] richer. Secondly, in the globalization age, employees and workers can move easily among nations. Rich citizens, who are learned [well educated] and have a great deal of knowledge, will have many chances to work and export goods overseas. Besides, they can also access [have access to] many chances to invest and expand production with advanced technology, which increases the productivity. This will help them earn much more money, so that they will continue becoming [to become] richer. On the contrary, poor citizens, who have low-level education, will have less occasion to work because they can’t compete with overseas employee [find it hard to compete against their affluent peers in the job market]. Consequently, they don’t have a job or they only find manual work with low salary, and then they continue being poorer [many of them end up doing labor-intensive work with low wages and little career prospect].
To solve the problem, I believe that the government of these countries is a vital role [should play an active role]. Firstly, governments need to encourage the innovation of the educational system, so that increase educational level of the inhabitants [promote equality in educational rights for all citizens]. Besides, educational process should also concentrate more on practice instead of only stressing the knowledge in books [theoretical knowledge]. This will help rise of the employee’s competition of the country, and then decrease the unemployment rate and increase the chance to find a job with handsome salary, which will help employee have stable lives. Secondly, to reduce the disparity between affluence and destitution [repeated à the rich-and-poor gap or gap in wealth], governments can also consider adjustment [relieving/ easing] the tax burden for all the classes, especially high-class. The tax rate should be high with [high taxes should be imposed on] high-class and low or zero with low-class. However, governments need to consider safely before implement because the solution can be raised against or doesn’t encourage the high-class to work.
In conclusion, the disparity between the rich and the poor people is the popular issue of many countries. The governments and people should cooperate [you didn’t mention individual’s effort in the body] to reduce the gap because the issue can cause many instabilizations of the countries [unsustainable economy] if it becomes serious.

COMMENTS:

  • Fairly wide range of vocabulary and structures
  • Clear organization and good coherence
  • The two body paragraphs are not counter-balanced, i.e. you pointed out 3 reasons but just suggested 2 solutions.
  • You should provide some examples or explanations in the first body paragraph to support your main ideas.
  • Pay attention to the mistakes pointed out as above.

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Võ Minh Sử – Chủ sáng lập Homeschooling English Center.