Writing task 2 Topic: it is suggested that everyone should have a car a TV and a fridge. Do disadvantages of this development for society outweigh advantages?
In the present, people think that it is necessary to own a car, a TV and a fridge. Despite some obvious disadvantages of this opinion, I believe that these are outweighed by the advantages.
On the one hand, there are a variety of reasons why everybody should not buy this vehicle and these furnitures [vehicles or pieces of furniture]. Firstly, using more and more cars and fridges is resulting in the air pollution. Because [if possible the conjunctions should be better placed at the beginning of the second clause to keep it academic] when these things operate, they will discharge a huge amount of the exhausted emission to the atmosphere. Secondly, watching television is at consecutive hours day by day which makes people feel tired and depressed [watching television consecutively makes people feel tired and depressed]. Consequently, they will not want to join outdoor activities any more such as going on picnics with their friends, play sports and so on anymore.
On the other hand, I believe that it is better for people to have own their vehicles and applicants [appliances]. Firstly, living at metropolitan areas with a busy pace, TV is one of the useful applicants [devices] which helps [help] us not only update news but also relax our mind. There are a lot of programs with variety [various] types which can meet everyone’s demand such as music channel, comedian movies, action films and so on. Furthermore, a car and a fridge can make people’s life easier and more comfortable. A car is the best choice to travel a long way in hot summer days or rainy days. And, people do not take much time to go shopping for food when they have a fridge in their kitchens.
In conclusion, I would argue that the advantages of having a car, a TV and a fridge are more significant than the disadvantages. [giving your opinion or looking to future should be added here like These items should be moderately used for the sake of our health and environment.]
- The essay is kept concise and clear in the organization (there is proper topic sentences which are sufficiently supported with the supporting sentences.)
- Task fulfillment: the ideas in the essay are on topic. The argument is persuasive.
- Vocabulary: Have good control of vocabulary with a few errors.
- Grammar: most sentences are grammatically correct. Have some complex structures (relative clause, because…)
- Something you could do better: need to include some less common words and vary the structures more.
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